Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
