Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This baby is an asshole
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
