If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
