I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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