TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
as a side note pls kill me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
