it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
