We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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