if you like me you must not know who I am
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
