I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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