i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
