no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
