I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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