They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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