I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
