I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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