just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
