"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
