Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
