im holly from the hills drunk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize