i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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