have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
