how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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