He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
