Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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