So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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