im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
