While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
