Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't notice because vodka
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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