Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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