It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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