All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
kristin has been a bad kristin
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize