I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
