ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
