I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
