Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sarcasm needs its own font
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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