I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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