I want to stick my p in your. b.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
