And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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