I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Boobs speak an international language.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
