when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
