i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
