All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
