peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
