I just saw a hot homeless man
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
