i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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