like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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