I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
