I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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