You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
