At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
