I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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