3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
