discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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