onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
