lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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