This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
