How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
