All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
