even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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