he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
