wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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