We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
