so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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