just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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