why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
