I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
