yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
