Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
