I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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