Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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