Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
