i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
