Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
